The knuckles on my right hand ache some days. Less now that I live in the Florida and the weather isn’t cold and damp. But they feel stiff on occasion.
Part of the discomfort stems from middle age. On those days when my knuckles ache, I recall times when I bashed my hand against immovable objects. Yes, the Miami Dolphins used to make me punch things.
These days, I just laugh. You have to. This team’s penchant for consistently putting Murphy’s Law in action is both uncanny and hilarious in the overall scheme of things. In some ways, it’s evolved into an almost endearing quality.
Five Bruce-Banner-to-Hulk Moments
1. The game-winning touchdown. For a few seconds, with some yellow laundry on the ground, we hoped for an offensive pass interference call — especially as Dan Fouts declared “this will be coming back on an offensive pass interference call.” The location and arc of the pass reminded of the Sea of Hands game that ended the Dolphins dynasty in Oakland. (Click image to see highlights).
2. Seahawks converted two fourth downs on the final drive, including a long pass to Doug Baldwin.
3. The final possession where Tannehill was pressured on the last two plays. One resulted in a fumble and the other what looked like but wasn’t scored as a Safety.
4. Andrew Franks field goal blocked. The failure to capture those three points ultimately made a difference in the score as did No. 5, which would’ve triggered a cataclysmic rage back in the day.
5. Kenny Stills dropping a sure touchdown pass. Tannehill delivered a well-thrown ball to Still, who ran an excellent route. Great play call to take advantage of a gap in the Seattle defense. Had the Dolphins scored here, they might’ve seized momentum from a stunned Seahawks team and carried the game. Another missed scoring opportunity that ultimately cost Miami the Game.
This game should have resulted in the NFL Upset of the Week and probably would’ve destroyed Suicide Pools across the nation.
WHY YOU DESERVE TO STILL BE PISSED ON TUESDAY
The Dolphins defense played out of its tree until the final drive of the game and collapsed exactly when it needed to seal the deal.
Russell Wilson could barely operate on one leg after Ndamukong Suh accidentally stepped on his ankle early in third quarter.
The Dolphins offense struggled, but they lost 10 points on the blocked field goal and Stills’ incompetence. They really should’ve won the game, 20-12. Viewed through that light, the offense doesn’t appear as bad as the scoreline.
STILLS DROPPED; PEOPLE SUFFERED
DOES THIS THOUGHT COMFORT YOU AT ALL
If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m a uniform fetishist. I watch teams just because they provide pleasing on-screen aesthetics.
Let’s take Charges vs. Chiefs — a gloriously bright day in Kansas City on an immaculate green field. Two of the NFL’s best uniforms squared off in what amounted to the Game of the Day.
But let’s look at this game through the lens of a self-pitying Dolfan.
The Chargers, a once-powerful AFL team, are 0-2 in the Super Bowl. The Chiefs represented the AFL in Super Bowl I and became World Champions in Super Bowl IV. Kansas City hasn’t appeared in a Super Bowl since the 1969 season.
When you think about the history of the Chargers and Chiefs, both of these have delivered tremendous heartbreak to their fans over the years. They’ve squared off with the Dolphins in some playoff classics over the years as well.
Talk about punching walls. Imagine being a Chargers fan on Sunday. They blew a 27-10 lead in the final nine minutes of the fourth quarter and lost, 33-27, on the only possession of overtime. The Chargers dominated most of this game and skulked back to San Diego with nothing to show for it.
Sometimes it helps to consider the plight of other teams just to learn that the Dolphins are not unique in their torture techniques.